4 things that makes me anxious, but shouldn’t

The ability to create a life

I just can’t believe I get to walk around with these ovaries and a functioning uterus.Probably functioning.

In 5ish years, my friends are going to start inviting me to their weddings.

Let’s be honest, I’m probably not going to get married until I’m about 40, and  think that is how life should be. If you are going to get married, I will be that awkward person dancing to “I will survive” with those glow-in-the-dark sticks as a straw, hugging your most weird uncle. Why are you doing this? Can I still go with my plus one, not being engaged to that person, without everybody judging me? There is a 50% of chance you are going to end up divorce anyway. I will probably be saving every penny for my future apartment and to buy a dog’s Halloween costume for my future dog, how am I going to buy you a nice wife-to-be gift?

Straight Guys

I never know what to talk about with them. I make comments and jokes that they don’t get and think its even disrespectful with the world that they don’t know who Karen Walker is. Recently I went to a club and got very angry at my boyfriend for not singing the songs from Katy Perry while pretending he was holding a microphone, I mean, how can you NOT do that? That was just a natural mechanism, I look at straight guys at a party and think  they are “no fun at all”, even weird for not knowing the Single Ladies song by heart. I have no straight-radar, I automatically assume every guy I meet is gay, unless he smells bad.

Microsoft Excel

I have on my resume that I am a proficient on Excel. I had 2 Excel classes in Brazil 4 years ago because I thought I wanted to be a business women. I have no idea even how to begin to use that thing. You guys get the idea when I say that I had to take Excel classes in Brazil right? That’s how bad I am on this program. Luckily nobody has offered me a job in 3 months. Ha.

After thinking about all those things, I look like this:

L.